I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
