i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
