god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize