Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
