I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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