hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
