i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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