The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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