Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
