He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
another moral hangover. fuck.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
