It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
