You're my little dorito
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
