He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Send help, water and tortillas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
