Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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