apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
