in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
