I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so let's talk penis.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
