bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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