how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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