Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
