I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
