I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
