I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
