So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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