Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
