maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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