You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
