Texts From Last Night

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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church

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  (501): if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church http://tfl.nu/2izr
  Replies (15) Good night (1894) Bad night (2400)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.

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  (586): yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster. http://tfl.nu/tawm
  Replies (14) Good night (7505) Bad night (993)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job

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  (904): I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job http://tfl.nu/0l9r
  Replies (30) Good night (985) Bad night (4250)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.

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  (518): Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat. http://tfl.nu/lwgj
  Replies (9) Good night (657) Bad night (3490)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha

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  (817): your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha http://tfl.nu/t468
  Replies (8) Good night (2183) Bad night (1024)
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  (637): View more from

  I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night

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  (637): I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night http://tfl.nu/nv4l
  Replies (0) Good night (1299) Bad night (497)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy

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  (503): That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy http://tfl.nu/blrn
  Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (693)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.

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  (434): He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face. http://tfl.nu/h6c3
  Replies (13) Good night (1142) Bad night (2216)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.

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  (620): Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day. http://tfl.nu/8ts7
  Replies (6) Good night (497) Bad night (1198)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.

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  (636): On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013. http://tfl.nu/kcos
  Replies (6) Good night (1114) Bad night (380)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.

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  (612): you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing. http://tfl.nu/yg2q
  Replies (3) Good night (919) Bad night (302)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower

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  (585): I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower http://tfl.nu/ravu
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (316)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  All is fair in love and war and toga parties

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  (404): All is fair in love and war and toga parties http://tfl.nu/gkur
  Replies (1) Good night (471) Bad night (243)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.

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  (252): It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless. http://tfl.nu/axbx
  Replies (3) Good night (459) Bad night (262)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.

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  (201): I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man. http://tfl.nu/58ag
  Replies (7) Good night (345) Bad night (918)

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