drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life