Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?