Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So much rum. So many feels.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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