Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
