I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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