god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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