I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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