"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
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I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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