So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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