your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
