Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What a dumb baby whore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
