You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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