I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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