i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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