Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
