so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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