'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
