What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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