My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
