im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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