By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
