Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
