i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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