There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
