we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
