Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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