my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
