Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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