You really coming over, don't trick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
