We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
