I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
