I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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