I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
