It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
