Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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