i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize