Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
