I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
