dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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