U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
