dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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