Whod you bang
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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