He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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