I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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