Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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