If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
