I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
