Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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