Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
