she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
