plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
