Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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